This is the Story of How We Survived

we were two odd ball kids standing at the end of this long bridge. i looked down, the drop was very far, so far, that i couldn't differentiate where the darkness began and the ground spotted with trees was near. i turned to her for a second thought.
"why?"
"we have to."
"but what dragged us here?"
"i Don't know about you, but i've had it with this shit..."
"me too"
i took her hand in mine and we were both sweating, our palms slick against one another and i knew it was right for us to be here, to be at this time, to stand on the end of these bricks with our toes hanging over ready to fall into oblivion grasping at each other.
"i'm scared," i said.
"me too."
we stood there awhile waiting for the other to make a move. for all the shit i talked about disliking the human race, i was still a bit frightened to end it all right there, then, as we looked out over the chilly Pasadena air.
suddenly a breeze blew through us and it was like a hundred vipers reaching straight for hell. feeling her heart pulse through the sweaty hands it was fate that brought us here, i was never one to believe in fate or anything like that, i thought it was a bunch of bullshit and an excuse to let the universe control our lives. she shivered and i took off my jacket, wrapping it around her she laid her head on my shoulder.
"what could change all this??"
"nothing for me, how about you?"
"i'm not sure, i know we're here, we're both drunk, ready to leap off this goddamn bridge, but we've left no tracks, we haven't made a ruckus, we're cut from the same cloth, we've got to fuck some shit up before we leave."
"all i am is a fuck up." she said.
"no, what you are is a great, extravagant fuck." i responded.
she peered out over the ledge and i caught a glimpse of a smile as the headlights from the cars passed over her face.
"let's go home."
"i'm not ready to go home."
"what do you need?"
"i'm not sure..." she said.
"what if, just for the sake of argument, i was to say that we would go home, polish off that bottle i have sitting on my desk, and lay next to each other until we both grew numb. numb enough to feel only each other and not all this bullshit around us?"
she paused for a beat and considered it. i was not ready to jump, i feared life and death, but was raised in a struggle, so the jump was not something for me, and i would not let her jump, how could i let something so beautiful leap off of this earth?
it would be an injustice to mankind.
"i dunno." she said.
"i know you're not into the whole girlfriend thing, you're a different being than me, i like solid dedication; i know better to ask that from you, but for tonight, just for tonight, and maybe any other night you feel like this, lets grasp onto one another in our beds until we feel like humans again and can enjoy life with all of it's faults."
she looked up at me with her big brown eyes and i saw the water film over her eyes. she was fucked up, broken, disoriented and drunk, but i couldn't very well let a human jump from the goddamn marble.
"you promise?"
i knew inside, that this would end in a very messy situation, she would eventually start feeling better and not remember this time on the bridge, but i would, and i'd hold it with me everyday as i walked around, as i worked, cooked, washed down the scotch and typed on the paper. she was beautiful enough that someone else would come swoop her and take her somewhere nice, better than what i could give her, and i couldn't hate her for that, i wasn't the guy, i knew it, no matter how much i gave to her it would never be enough, she was a fiend for my guts, my fire, my passion and my heart. i knew this. i accepted it. i let her do it. i should of let her jump off the bridge to save all those other men from her claws.
in the end, we are all animals, humans... we need company in any capacity and endeavor. we need reassurance and respect, warmth and kindness.. i was willing to give her a piece of my heart for nothing in return. i wanted to save. to fix the broken. to make things right.

there's a price for that.

she stepped away and i helped her into the car. the drive to my house was silent. gradually, we ignored each other and climbed the stairs to my apartment. i unlocked the door and we both took our shoes off and stumbled into the room.
"would you like some water?"
"yes"
i walked to the kitchen and grabbed some nice ice cold water for her. i knew that this was not the way to do things. i had to be strong, confident and tease her. but the life was sucked from every one of her pores and my better judgement took ahold of me and
said,:
"she won't be here tomorrow. and she'll never call again. we'll never hold each other like tonight. this is a one time thing. the best part of giving is not getting anything in return, so give it what you got."

i felt my heart skip.

we laid there entangled in each other's arms as we drifted off into sleep. in the morning she was gone. i awoke and stammered to the coffee machine. as i sat there waiting for my bread to toast i whispered to myself:

"just another night in life..."