Angeles Crest Harvest

they ran together, in the same vein, we had to read his story, you know the reason why. we were alone up there, high up in between those mountains that surround us, the biggest two, the closest possible gap, the riverbed had gone dry, but i insisted we stay. the blanket was down, small bits poking up threw it, gophers everywhere, watching us, eyeing us, devouring us. i read out-loud to her from the book, i read her of mice and men and she ate it all up. i had never read to anyone before, when i was done her eyes were closed, the sandman came for her. i watched as her chest rose, succulent breast waiting for me, her beautiful black hair sprawled out on the dark blanket, the colors ran together and disappeared into one another, her hair into the blanket, the blanket into her hair, they inhaled each other. i waited, and got drunk, small bits at a time. i pulled out a cigarette and lit it up. the brush burns easy up here at this time, i was careful to watch it.
i kept drinking, i drank mine, then i started in on her stash, she wouldn't mind, she didn't drink anyway, and those Ambien i slipped her would keep her down for a bit. i sat in that high backed camping chair and drank until i couldn't feel anymore. this was the decline of us. she knew it. i knew it. we loathed each other's presence, but alas, she didn't have it in her to be alone, and neither could i.
this was the infinite problem of man, at least any man with a thought, if you ever get to really know someone, and this takes years of time spent together, you learn them inside and out, they learn you inside and out, the peaks and valleys, the defiance and love, the true grittiness of ones soul, you eventually find disasters accumulating inside the heart...
and its not their fault, nor yours, we are simply human, and we catch those magic little butterflies that have huge fucking teeth and will rip out your inner membrane in our nets, and our nets happen to be our judgement of oneself, we become blind, but we never know it, because they're just so fucking "pretty" it is all just distractions and a person not staring long enough in the mirror. snow white knew she was faulty, thats why Rumpelstiltskin came for her.
i walked over and kneeled next to her, ran my hands through that mass wave of shiny black hair, slowly dipped into sleep, with my arms tight and my erection jabbing into her.
we awoke as the mist started hanging in the air, it was so clean to breath in up here, i coughed constantly and sucked on a cigarette relentlessly, hunting knife laced up to my belt. "i'm watching you fucking gophers, come near me, i dare you, i know all about your tunnel system.. Goddamn..."
i secretly had a small stash of coke in the trunk where i kept the road flares, and i'd occasionally walk over and take a bump when the booze was making me too slow. as i have my measuring spoon from culinary school grasped in my hand and shooting it up my nose, she yells out:
"i want to make the fire!"
i was okay with that.
snort, "um yeah," ... .shit... "i'll come help you with the wood"
i kept an eye out for the gophers and we walked around.
and
she struggled horribly, and like i guessed she would, she gave up, threw her hands in the air and complained about how windy and cold it was. she started busting my balls about how i wasn't aggressive enough, that i should of told her "no", and "I'm in charge of the fire."
"babe, i'm not a cave man, you want to start the fire, go for it, if you need help i'm happy to give you a hand."
in my mind i figured if she wanted to do the damn thing then do it! if you can't then move out of the way and i'll do it. but looking back on it now, we should of done it together, i should of made her believe that she did it all on her own (even though i did the whole thing) and we would of stood there, arms wrapped around each others back, her head snuggled against my chest, and me taking in the smell of her hair and firewood burning. she probably would of said something like, "wow, it's so hot, i've never started a fire by myself before, i did good huh?" and look to me for acknowledgement.
"yeah babe, you did great"
--
instead, i walked over to the car and opened the trunk, she eyed me the whole way, and i could feel her gaze burning holes in the back of my head. i stopped caring at this point. there was a bottle of Jameson where i kept the road flares, i took a nice hard slug and grabbed the gas can.
i got back and her eyes immediately lit up, before a word came out of her mouth i was pouring gasoline on the fire, in hopes that it would get started. no dice. i poured just a tad more, and then i noticed the flames running up and into the can, my first thought was: "oh shit! this gas can is going to explode in my fucking hands!" so i dropped the fucker on the floor and started kicking dirt at it, she started doing the same, but in doing so, she kicked the can and the gas flew out onto my leg and a part of the tent, so now my leg is on fire, and so is the tent, "fuck!" she was freaking out and dropped to the floor, throwing dirt at me, i grabbed the 5 gallon water jug and started pouring it on myself and the tent. the adrenaline was running through me and the Jameson was keeping my nerves in check. "what if the whole forest goes up? aww shit.. i'm going to be that guy.. i'm going to burn down a whole goddamn forrest because i let some girl get the best of me?"
finally the fire went out
i held her for a long time and we made love on the dark blanket that was sprawled on the floor. fire smoldering next to us, stars glinting above our heads, somehow, no matter what kind of shit we got into, we'd manage to push it back into the brain and let the vulnerability of ourselves take over true reasoning.
call it love if you want
whatever.
the next morning was a saturday and i woke up to some very loud Limp Bizkit playing. she rolled over and grabbed my crotch, as was our morning ritual, and i eyed her wearily.
"what the fuck?"
"i know."
i grabbed my watch, 11:45am. fuck it was getting hot in this goddamn tent. we sat around for awhile, she played with her compact mirror, doing her face or whatever it is girls do early in the morning while they're camping. i ventured off back and forth from the trunk with the precious road flares and our cooler. i made some grilled cheese for breakfast on the little gas stove and eggs. everything was beautiful
except for the jerk off douche bags setting up camp across from us. and somehow, every 15 minutes or so another lifted truck with obnoxiously huge tires would roll up and kick dust all over the goddamn place. it was very annoying for the both of us. i came here mostly to get away from people like these fucks, and also for a little drug usage, the girlfriend just packed her bags and came with. i always liked that about her. i never had to say, "do you want to go?" it was never a task to get her to come out to something. now it seems like everything is a task, like plans need to be made, files need to be filed, i need to put in a request to get a permit to get permission to find a place to take someone. what ever happened to spontaneous actions?
they died with chivalry
if she wanted to be there, i'd get in the car when i was leaving and she would usually be sitting next to me. i remember on our first date, i unlocked the door for her, she got in, and as i circled around to the driver side, she leaned over and unlocked the door for me, i loved that, proves if the girl is thoughtful or not. and i've been right about 99% of the time so far.
it's one of those things i look for.
if not, she'd walk over and kiss me through the window and say, "stay away from skanks!"
she was alright like that.
eventually we decided to pack up the car and head out.. she was pretty bothered about us having to leave a day early.
"you should say something." i said
"me?"
"yeah!"
she thought about it for a minute.. furrowed her brows a bit, and then balled up her fist and walked over like a good little soldier. i saw them talking back and forth, i had my hunting knife close just in case any of these fucks started to freak, but they stayed calm.
"well?"
"they want to use our campsite after we leave, they don't have a fire pit on their side.
"ok, lets go."
we got in the car and started driving down the hill. i didn't ask her what she said, i could tell when she didn't want to talk because she kept doing this thing where she'd grab her lips with her fingers and hold them tight.
finally she sighed and said, "i just wish we could of done something about those guys"
"i did"
"what?"
"i said,"i did"
"hm?"
"i took a shit in the fire pit"