Upper Essex

blink, blink, blink
i see you waiting for me.
when the tomatoes are ripe, soft hanging off the vine
tender and wrinkled skin, almost willing to be peeled away from it
delicate flesh that i want to immerse myself in
drown in it's sweetness
its sexual
intimate
i want to fuck this tomato
but not with my dick
if that's what you were thinking
you sick fucks
sun bearing down on the valley
holding hands through the grape vine
as if teenage lovers ignorant with life
sweat makes hair stick to forehead
moving it away from her eyes, back behind the ear
tasting the saltiness
i let it take me
the principals of life
the morality
individuality
immobility
lot's of "y"
and more whys
always with the whys
grasping a handful of dirt, jamming it in my pocket
hopefully if i plant it
a human will grow
if i bury enough things into the pot
it'll grow legs with small feet
a torso
estranged from the head
arms too long for a body
and the sweet mouth calling
begging to be fed
i'll grow a friend
materialize
the
figment of my imagination
and i'll treat it so well
care for it
give it all of my free time
rotate for equal amounts of sun
read to it
sing to it
eat with it
listen to records with it
lay together in bed with it
and give it pillow talk
joke and laugh
celebrate holidays
hold it when weathers cold
and sit together in front of the fan
when the sun turns the apartment into a greenhouse
i'll stop smoking around it
treat it well
love it
but i know one day
resentment will grow in me
for all of my actions and selfless giving
for all of my decisions and lack there of
for the lack of progress on "it's" part
and the shreds of dignity that surround the pot
will be torn away
and fall to the ground like snowflakes
getting drunk one night
yelling at the pot
"grow you motherfucker! whats taking so long?
haven't i given you everything? what else do you want?"
your soul
oh no.
oh yes.
that i can't give
stumbling over to the pot
unzipping my pants
and urinating all over this precious plant
cursing under my breath
as i climb up to the roof
and before i get the chance to throw you into the street below
i pass out from exhaustion, deprivation
pure drunken pride
pure rage
and it falls to the ground
and understands my frustration
the sensations bewildering my body
and that fact that i did not throw it over
but i was willing to do so.
willing to leave
and
only when the threats are made, when i've reached my end
willing to throw away all my hard work
my love
everything
it will realize
it took too much
and gave so little
so
when i awake
in my own bed
the scent of coffee lingering in the air
she'll stand at the doorway
long legs peaking out from under my robe
flowing hair, silky skin, red rosy cheeks
eyes wide enough to take in the world
and still want more
"'ello princess"
"hiya champ"
and we regress