I Must See a Man About a Boat

as i stepped out of the bar, into the dividing sunlight, i clenched my eyes closed, waiting for those little road maps to appear, when you rub your eyes into their sockets extra hard and your temple hardens. reaching into my pocket and fishing for the lighter i pulled a cigarette.. lighting it backwards, i knew for damn sure driving or even walking was out of the question at this point. stumbling down hill on an upward slop i took a piece of my being and rested it upon the beer stained shirt i was wearing... taking a stop dash dash Morse code stop from the phone line i dabbled in nonexistence for awhile. walking around holding my gut, like the man before me. i thought about all of this not all at once but a piece. this piece, this place right now.. having things constantly dissipating into the atmosphere.. being here only if it felt like it belonged or it adhered to my soul, as if the continuation of something this solid could not be for a limited time only we dance with our fist in the air, sooner or later our arms become tired and we get real jobs, with ties and tucked in shirts, real jobs where we must be professional and speak with posh, defined by our worst days and ignored on our victories, defeated constantly to be kept underfoot. rules are bullshit made up to scare you. if a man becomes to brave his pride cometh before the fall.. but if a man cannot stand on his proper foot, he will be taken aside and shot like cattle, devoured and reimbursed into feed and shown the good time that no one understands.

i breathed hard
i panted deep
i held the wall
to forgive me
i am merely a being
beating on this earth
we are nothing here
no one understands that
this structure is built in order for you to lose
the greedy profit
the good die young
the anarchist live alone
and the social order must be passed on
how is it
that a man can find something solid
beyond himself
if everything here
has no worth?
smile
it's all we got
love
and fuck like it's your last
look into their eyes like it's your last
drink like it's your last
and kiss her like it's the last
make love to her
like it'll never be this way again
like if you stepped out that door
you'd be hit by a truck
the last thing you want on your mind is...
"i should of...."
give
like no tomorrow
and realize
good
bad
it's all how you look at it