Lets.... Let Us - All Applaud Wildly

the words bubble at the surface, and as i let them filter out, nothing seems good enough. when the blanket is taken off from over your eyes, and you see it all for what it is - the small details and quick glances, steering conversation away from things that will enrage me (which is most things). people view me as negative - only viewing the bottom feeders, the boy who was left to wander alone in the amusement park, and i am sleeping too. and i know this.

trust your struggle.

drink too much, smoke too much, feel defeated too much, fight (not in the physical sense) too much, drive too fast, not environmentally conscious enough, not politically educated enough to hold my own in the health care debate, not doing enough to save the world, not believing in causes enough, or volunteering enough, not violent enough, and not aggressive enough, thinking too much and not feeling enough, and to top it all off, too honest to be an asshole much. (all though that in it's own is cutting my nose...)

my struggle doesn't involve saving the world.
call me selfish (i probably am)
some people can't get out of bed in the morning, bearing the thought of another day of being surrounded by greed, envy, hollow souls, and humans believing in a cause- to find approval from others. those are the people who never do, but only act.
those who do, those who do not want recognition, those who do straight from their heart, tend to not steer conversations towards what they are doing, but what should be done, and not advertising themselves.

but when seeing this, my body stiffens, my mind yells, and i feel crippled by disappointment.

and that's what it is
and that's what i'll have to learn
to
live with.

and i'll get there
eventually
pounding my bloody fist against the glass
i'll learn to cope
to somehow feel at peace with
one person at a time