Hero on a Glacier

i had to wait in line for the bathroom
and i really
really
really had to go.
the line was very long,
and we all wore the same look
on our face,
that look of despair and fragility.
earlier the same day,
i wanted to sneak out of the restaurant,
to smoke a cigarette
early in the service,
but i couldn't
and we became very busy.
i had to wait,
a very long time,
and i could feel my system crying out
in restlessness.
i also forgot to eat this day,
and when i finally remembered
that i only had coffee all day
my stomach turned on me
and made me pay
for the disservice i had given him.
when i woke up this morning
i thought of the greatest moments
i had
when we both had sex in that
small
stuffy studio apartment
with the red bed spread.
and my cock whimpered like a small dog
wanting to go back inside
of you
but knowing i
couldn't.
finally
two men walked out of the restroom
and it was my turn.
the guy behind me followed me in,
and we both went to our respective urinals
and started to piss.
a wave of relief washed over me
and i sighed.
the guy next to me started laughing
and i turned to look at him
"feels good when you wait for it eh?"
"thats true."
i zipped up and went back to my stool.
the bartender poured me another 7&7
and i sat there starring at the glass.
when you make yourself suffer
and wait for everything
sex,
drinks,
cigarettes,
food,
anything,
it feels much more rewarding
when you can grasp onto it with both hands.
my moments of happiness
are seldom
but very very high
because i know they will pass quick.
is it wrong to challenge yourself?
to see how long you can go
and how far
you can push?
i waited for the ice to gradually melt
in my glass
as the cubes slid against each other
and i pictured myself
as Jack London
searching for Yukon Gold
in that glass
driving himself across the vast white wasteland
of ice,
as everything in the world changed
but his small patch of reality
stayed put and true.
suddenly,
the bartender,
snuck up behind me
and wrapped her arms around my neck.
she had this very sweet smell
and it made my nose want to sneeze.
she kissed me
and said,
"whatcha waiting for?"
i could of gone many ways on that one
but i thought of old Jack
on that iceberg
in my glass
and said,
"you kid, i'm waiting for you. lets scram."
and we left together.
i'm watching her stir now
out of the corner of my eye
as she lays there
with the teddy bear
rising
and lowering
on her chest.
i know
as soon as i lay down
and close my eyes
she will leave.
but thats just the way this all is
and
i'm okay with that.