Pervert Lives in 203

Waking up always felt like disaster. a headache loomed with every eye opening, i had to blow the snot out of my nose, bladder always crying for evacuation, and my eyes took so long to adjust to the day. i followed my typical morning routine, although, i don't really know how many people piss and brush their teeth at the same time, or shit and shave, but hey, that's what they call efficiency right?

anyway, i cleared out the previous days coffee grounds and tossed them outside onto my herb garden. or what used to be an herb garden, they had all died about a month ago, now it's just a place where i throw my coffee grounds. you'll always live in my heart rosemary and sage, forever and truly mine. the cork on the top of the scotch bottle didn't want to come loose, i banged it against the tile a couple times to loosen it up and it still wouldn't ease open. scrambling through kitchen drawers i found a pair of blue handle pliers and decided, hey, why not right? i was just beginning to hear the bottle give and i knew instantly that it was going to break apart in my hands, i looked down into the sink and the plug was in there, so i let her crack right over the sink and all that scotch ran its way down my hands, down my elbows, i wanted to get it all in there. i wondered if my skin would open up and let the alcohol in?
then there was a knock at my door.
"shit"
right as i was turning the door knob, realizing, that i was only wearing my boxers, i scrambled around the couch and grabbed my robe.
i didn't want the UPS guy to get any ideas.
it was worse than i thought, it was one of those kids with a sorry look on their face selling cheap candy in very expensive tin cans.
"hello sir, my name is Evelyn, I’m trying to make some money so that i could go to Disneyland, i come from a poor neighborhood and have never been to Disneyland, would you be interested in seeing what i have to offer?"
-boy would i, she was sleek, small and slender, her big brown eyes kept darting back and forth, from me to her things, then over my shoulder, she was surveying her surroundings, getting comfortable, i could feel her tense, relax, then tense again.
"uh, i'm okay, thanks"
she bent down and started opening her goodie box (the one with the candy), she had defiantly been doing this a long time, her button up shirt opened a bit and i could see her white milky breast, she had been out in the sun, her skin was a bronze, dark, fierce color, but her breast had never see the light of day.
"we have these great gummie bears, and yogurt pretzels, a map of the united states, some salted almonds....."
"hey"
she was on her sales pitch and i stopped her midway, it was half assed sales pitch anyway. she looked up at me with those big brown eyes.
"how old are you?"
"17"
i took a step back, never breaking eye contact with her, and slammed the door closed in her face. i laughed a little at how much of a bastard i was turning back towards the kitchen.
the door bell rang this time
"oh fuck me"
it was her again, what the fuck right?
"yeah?"
"you don't have to be an asshole, i'm out here trying to get some money together, make an honest living, you think this shits easy? god i hate men."
i wasn't a total prick, so i backed up and started walking towards the kitchen.
"uhhh hello?"
"come in"
"i can't, and how do i know you're not an axe murderer who will skin me alive and then wear me as a suit?"
"i'm not asking you to sit on my couch, just step in the doorway so i can try to continue with my normal day ok?"
i could feel her hesitating, her damn thoughts were so loud i could hear them in the kitchen. she shuffled down the stairs and then i heard her come right back up. she took a step into the door way and i didn't look up. i was over at the sink with a strainer trying to get all the glass out of the scotch so i could pour it into a squeeze bottle.
"lets make a deal"
she just stood there looking around my apartment, it was a decent place, covered in cream colored paint and furniture was scarce, i didn't like having too much shit. shit causes clutter, clutter causes fucked up thinking, fucked up thinking causes misjudgment, and i can't have my judgment effected. that would be devastating.
"huh?"
"i said lets make a deal.. how much of that shit in your box have you sold today?"
she started starring down at her shoes and said, "none"
"how long you been out?"
"since 7am"
i glanced down at my watch, it was a quarter to noon.
"how much is all that stuff in your box worth?"
she was shy
"$60"
"that's not enough for a Disneyland ticket. you're getting ripped off girlie."
"so."
"so fuck that. i'll give you $80 if you just hang out for a bit. no funny stuff"
she was debating again, and i figured i'd catch her off balance
"my wallets on the coffee table, pick it up, check it out, i'm not lying."
she picked up my wallet and pulled out a $100 bill..
"hey hey.. i said $80.."
"no. i want this."
i got it now. this chick wasn't innocent, and she wasn't 17, and she sure as shit wasn't gullible, she had been around the block once or twice. i was being played for a fool. that whole bit with her bending down and the button up shirt was just a way so i could sneak a peek her her goodies (breast i mean) and start thinking with my dick and not my brain. the little broad was good, she knew how to move and when, the starring at the shoes, the indecisiveness, ahhh fuck this was going to be fun, i went on playing the "stupid rock hard cock for an underage girl" routine.
"how do i know you won't run out of here now and not make good by your word?"
"do i look like a cunt?"
that's the first time i heard a woman refer to herself as "cunt". i was impressed by her smug mouth.
"well..."
"asshole!"
"no no.. come on... simmer down, give me the layout, show me that shit in the box, sell me on it."
she went onto her pitch, and it was total shit, i just stood there with my coffee cup watching her make that shitty attempt for me to drop some cash. i fished some of scotch out of the sink into my coffee cup and walked over to my favorite chair.
"so why are you out on a Saturday going from door to door selling this stuff?"
"i told you, Disneyland trip."
"i don't believe you, come on, tell me why."
she hesitated again, and this time i knew she really was thinking, figuring, working out the scenario in her head.
"it's community service."
"for what?"
"i think i'm gonna go."
"hey, come on, i thought we had a good vibe going here, i really want to know, whats up?"
"i got caught with grass."
"weed?"
"uh huh."
i got up and walked over to the kitchen again for a refill.
"i think that's bullshit, it's legal now, somewhat, and if someone's gonna get high they're gonna get high, regardless of it being legal or illegal."
"i know.. right?"
"what's your name?"
"Molly"
i sat down in my chair again and offered her a seat. she sat and i could feel her tense up again.
“so Molly, what’s your work?”
“Non profit eco friendly independent tee shirt design for fundraising musicians”
I starred at her blankly. This is exactly the reason I never leave my apartment. People like Molly, with that smug look on their goddamn face, noses turned up in the air as if they had shit smeared across their upper lip. I couldn’t understand them, their constant struggle to save the world, save the environment, inspire love and light into everyone’s life. It makes me sick to my freaking stomach. She would probably never realize what a tool she is. Tools tend to surround themselves with other tools, so they can feel important and have constant approval. Everyone sits around stroking each other in her office, and they stay late into the night “burning the midnight oil”.
Give me a break.
"okay Molly, so how much of this community service you got?"
"what the fuck does it matter?"
"hey, i know a guy, a civil servant, he can sign all this shit off for you."
her eyes got real big, i saw her pupils dilate
"really?"
"yeah, just hang out for a bit and i'll give him a call, he'll take care of this for me."
"wait, why are you doing this?"
"i'm doing it because i think it's bullshit you got caught for grass. a world full of slave driving nazi fascist."
looking down at my coffee table she picked up one of the books i had laying about.
"you like Chinaski don't you?"
"i do"
"why?"
"because he never hid shit, he was honest, to a fault even, if he didn't think something was cool he said something about it. most people are so trapped in themselves they don't see what's going on with others around them."
"i know.. right?"
it got silent suddenly and i could tell she was trying to figure me out.
"would you care for a drink?"
"no i don't think i should"
"ok, well, i'm going to put this bottle of rum on the table, and a glass for you, if you don't take it, i will.."
"so what's your deal?"
"me?"
"yeah you, Mr. "i wear a robe all day?"
hahahaha
"i write sometimes."
"anything i've read?"
"depends on what you read"
”I’m really into the Twinelight series right now.”
Commence inward seething on my part.
“ugh, not really my deal, I write short stories, poems sometimes.”
“What’s your name?”
"Jeremy"
"Jeremy what?"
"Jeremy Paradise"
"i knew i recognized you, i saw you read at Bar 207 in downtown, you were really trashed that night."
"yeah"
"can i ask you something?"
"shoot."
"when was the last time you had a woman?"
"no comment"
"oh come on, i got to know, how the great Jeremy Paradise makes it through his days?"
"lots of porn"
she just laughed and then leaned over and poured herself one. i was feeling pretty good and i could tell she was just opening up.
"i think you should go Molly."
"what, why?"
"because if you stay any longer, i gonna have to rip those goddamn clothes off your body."
she tilted her head and starred at me for a second, examining again, this dame had it in for me, i knew she did, but it was better i got her out before we reached that point where i couldn't hold myself back.
she stood up and pulled her shirt off
"when was the last time you had a woman?"
"ahhh fuck, don't hit me with this shit again"
"no really"
"about 3 days ago."
"well don't you think it's time?"
i stood up and grabbed her.
pulling her against me, i felt that soft flesh against the bulge in my robe. she reached down and started rubbing me, i put my hands on her neck and could feel the heat rising in the room.
"i don't think we should be doing this"
"i want you to"
well fuck it then, i picked her up and shut the door with my foot, i dragged her into the kitchen and pushed my typewriter over to the edge of the table. we had our lips pressed hard against each other and my throbbing cock was begging for some warmness. i slowly unbuttoned her shirt, her quivering, me never breaking eye contact and killing her with the gaze. she put her feet up and pulled off her shoes, dropping them on the ground with a loud thump. her breast were light, like if Snow White took her shirt off, she had the left nipple pierced and i sucked on them with as much tenderness as i had in me. finally i pulled her head back by her hair and took her panties off. her vagina was hairless and welcoming, i dropped my pants and reached over towards the scotch still sitting in the sink.
"care for a hit?"
she just starred at me with those big brown eyes. i walked away into the bedroom and grabbed a condom, because everyone knows, you don't have sex with a stranger without bagging it, chick could be infected!
i slid on in and she moaned just a bit. it was comfortable in there, she wasn't too tight, not too lose, eventually i turned her over and took her from behind. she whimpered occasionally but kept silent most of the time, finally i grabbed her neck and started squeezing, waiting for her to give me the "i'm out of air" signal, she moaned and moaned, gradually getting louder, and finally i declared i was going to cum and she pulled forward.
"what the fuck?"
"i want you to cum on my face."
she bobbed her head back and forth and made loud, over enthused slurping sounds. finally i felt like it was time and i blew all over her face.
we both laughed
she got up walked over to the sink to rinse her face off..
"hey.. not into the scotch huh? use the other side."
we sat around and shared a smoke. i asked if i'd ever see her again and she said, "probably not". i accepted what it was, just a one time draw of luck, i shouldn't think of it anymore than that. it always seemed like these woman only wanted me for a short time, then they'd get bored and move somewhere else, it didn't bother me, they were just woman, unsure of themselves and what they really wanted.
"let me walk you down."
"no.. no i'll be fine."
before leaving, she wrote me a note and shoved it in my robe pocket.
we kissed at the door and said goodbye. i sat around for a while debating whether or not i should be writing this thing out, but figured, why not? it'll kill time. i felt the nicotine craving feeding at me so i broke a cigarette out and walked down the stairs.
i read the note and it said,
"my tantalized spirit
here blandly reposes
forgetting, or never
regretting it's roses-
it's old agitations
of myrtles and roses;"

hmmm... i had no clue what the fuck that meant.
i thought about her for awhile, i wanted to remember this time, this segment, these past minutes of my life.
i threw my cigarette into the street and as i walked back to my stairs there was something written in chalk on the first stair.
"BEWARE! Pervert lives in apt 203"

hahha
"that bitch"

i spit on the last number and walked up the stairs. leaving what needed to be left behind but moving forward towards a greater ball of mass waiting for me.