My Last Two Twenties

i decided to spend my last two twenties on me
i had a few Jacks
Sans the coke
i lost two women on the same day
oy vey
one could love me very much
and i know it
i look deep in those eyes
and i feel it
zapped right into me
but she's scared of something?
everything?
maybe nothing?
i gave her a choice
and she took the road less traveled
i highly doubt she'll come back
but i can't give up hope
right?
anything worth fighting for is worth fighting
for twice.
right?
fucking right.
the other knows exactly who i am
and says all the right things
i've been bad
i know
i've done some things
bad things
things that no one else would be okay with
but somehow
she understands my bullshit
and hot damn!
how can i go on a overnight binge?
and this girl still digs me?
maybe she needs a "buddons" as bad as i do?
maybe i don't need anything?
maybe i like all this
because i can put it down on paper
and that's selfish no?
yes?
Barnacle:
marine crustaceans with feathery food-catching appendages; free-swimming as larvae; as adults form a hard shell and live attached to submerged surfaces

Burger:
a sandwich consisting of a fried cake of minced beef served on a bun, often with other ingredients

even the definition makes you sick
it really does make me want to throw up in my hat
i feel better when none of you like me
when you all want to rip my face off
because then i'm not responsible for let down
and if you dislike me
then i don't have any expectations to live up to
the one i want doesn't want me right now
the one who wants me
has much baggage
it's much easier to be alone
to sit
in silence
by yourself
then the only one you let down is
you
and "you" can justify your let down
very easy isn't it?