21 to 27

if one must,
then be what you are
but for the choices you make
someone has to say,
yes,
you did wrong
call me judgmental
and take me out of context
oh
oh yes...
anywhere to be within the 21 to 27
you feel proud
am i am woman
hear me roar
but let me inform you of going a bit too far
you get in something serious at an early age
and you fall deeply, madly in love
whatever that means for you
but you don't have yourself put together
so the person you pick
is absolutely wrong in every sense
he mistreats you
beats you
(be it emotionally or physically, either way the guy is shit and you know it, but you think you can change his being, so you believe for the best thats in him)
separation occurs
and because you have no sense of self
you think that developing is experience
so you fuck and drink
you act like the insatiable being
nothing makes you happy, excited, depressed or somber
you become apathetic to everything
and in doing so,
you become another face in the crowd
another hot night
another dead eyed, dreary person "evolving"
through your supposable humanity
and becoming so caught in your jail
with the gold bars
you don't see it when something good stands right in front of you
and dismiss it
easily
without second thought
you cancel everything automatically
and become self centered and full of false, fake, dead joy
you ignore and compact
group and gather
deviate from the true plan
lots of one night stands that you think will amount to something
you do this for awhile
because it makes you feel good
ignoring all the timeless passion that stood in your face
sooner or later
your wall crumbles
and you feel vulnerable
thats when you come back to the solid left before you
and it's gone
because it moved on
when you turned your back
so you take a minute
and try to understand what happened
but the love is gone
and you develop fake understanding for another person who
falls into "your" place
even though its not what you really want
and that good piece
that missing piece
rolled away
you are fucked
and it's sad
but it's the beacon truth
you never believed it when it was in your ear
but someone
somebody
has to tell you
you were a horrible person then
and you continue to be empty
uninteresting
emotionally detached
dead in every sense of the word
and they don't actually care who you are trying to save
because they only want to fuck you!
and you know this!
what the fuck?
oh
sadness washes over me
followed by a wave of relief
because at the end of the story
you learn that what you did was wrong
but you won't acknowledge it
because you're too busy trying to save someone else
to get approval,
and rewards
when you should be saving yourself