Bring in the Clowns

the bottom of this felt like the top of her. it was a pleasure to hear the knocking sounds coming from television, i scooted over and wrapped my arm around her, she laid her head against my chest. i was sauced, this was alright. we kept drinking. for every one i had one. i started pouring them with a little less Dr. Pepper. she didn't seem to mind. the candy cane was starting to dissolve in her cup, i threw a few more life savers in there for her, she always liked the red ones. you always liked the red ones didn't you? i was neither here nor there for the red ones. they're nice, but the red, green, yellow, and whatever other color taste all the same, and you know it, it's a trick your mind plays on you, telling you the red taste like watermelon or berries, and the green taste like apple, it's bullshit and we know it!

she started getting a little angry, i could see her eyes narrow, her inward seething, i could she some steam billowing out of her ears, i think she was mad that i had made it in, all the defenses put up, all the "i don't cares", were really, "i'm too scared to care", it's easier to not lose if you don't ever play the game. i'm not scared of losing, i just don't want to be on the sidelines watching all the action, wishing i was in there, the potential to get hurt, but there's also the potential for victory. hurt is hurt, victory is love.

it's hard to win
especially when you don't try

i don't know what happened to me.

but i dislike people
most people
some people i like
some of you are alright
sometimes
i miss people for the good things
then i remember why i don't talk to those certain people anymore
and i still smile
because it's true
the best ones are crazy
the worst ones are here
the okay ones never touch ground
head
in
the
clouds

i'll tell you what though

i'll laugh hard the day my bullshit gets proven wrong

maybe i am wrong?
i think i might be?
nah
not like this. i've dodged alot of bullets. i've been lucky. thanks baby.

she was angry though. and when we started fooling around she used words like
"eat that fucking pussy"
and
"you gonna give me that dick?"

maybe some guys dig that
but i'm secure with what i got going on
so lets not pretend okay?

lots of questions have been coming around here lately, and i'm all for new experiences, but i miss myself.

now that's selfish.