Someday You'll Walk In, and I'll Be Waiting

life is living until you're dying
the small moments put everything in perspective
not until you know true suffering can the
insignificant be appreciated
for what it is
keep it for a souvenir
we travel our whole lives through other peoples
opinions
through other peoples eyes
unoriginal macho energy
be on guard
be weary
youth fenced in, face pressed to chain link fence
shattered glass on fist
and we punch each other out
then bruised and bloody
we steal wives
and steal horses

It's Time for an Oreo Break

no matter how far i go
how many interesting places to see
you can go half way around the world
it won't have LA soul
the trendy hipster union
the hole in the wall
hole in the wall bar
hole in the wall taco stand
hole in the wall bowling alley
i'm biased
because i'm from here
but for all of it's bullshit faults
it has beauty underneath it's unforgiving qualities
the flaws are what make things beautiful
the ugly and demented streaks
are what make everything holy

The Kicker, In the Balls i Mean

the automatic flush
just high enough for me not to reach
the towel dispensers
not two but one
how we congregate in this box
wait until someone kicks and shakes your shit up.
diverse.
no you're not. admit passion,
admit guilt,
nobody will care like no one else will
the candidates are here
sex and lust
like global warming
watching the girls and guys walk hand and hand
does it not distribute you?
the point
of most
of this
is not
to believe
in
humanity

All it Takes is Many

it takes many
to forget about others
it takes a baby to find happiness for one
and it takes a young lust
to write songs like those
and it took, at least for you
pregnancy
i could never grant you that,
not because i didn't love you
i did
very much so
for every one and few that swam in my sheets
it counted
it was not about quantity, or for the night
these were all intensified moments of feeling
i am dramatic
i know
bear with me
Sonia
Valerie
Raquel
Zowie
there's many more from where you came from
and maybe some people say, "they're just chicks man"
i know
but you were the ones that stick to my ribs
the ones that seeped into my soul
you are the ones that tore down my pride
and my defense
you made it through the gates with picks and fire
thank you for that
a taste of love is all you need
it makes it that much better

I Gotta Take Action

i sit, in waiting room
listening to a table of middle aged broads
talking about past pregnancy
i see an older version
of the girl i once had
black hair, light skin, flower tattoo over the shoulder
and hollow empty eyes
i digress
mismatched socks and lack of expression
middle aged broads
guts hanging over fashionable belts
turkey neck
gobble
gobble gobble gobble
sagging ass, like if the tight jeans will
rejuvenate their decaying youth
jury duty
fucking jury duty
even here, at my most
i feel hunger and starvation
this girl knows everything
i wonder if she knows how annoying i find her?
i wonder if she knows anything other than the fake science
of popping watermelons out of her vein infested legs?
probably not
but she likes shiny things
and god almighty she make great conversation
no?
and that's all that matters
even at our best
hope for more

Severe Leakage

lips dry, foaming at the mouth, it came running after, it smelled my scent, i hadn't showered in a few days, i was sticky and the hole in my sock tore more with each step i took. i was walking into a pit of snakes.
the phone rang
hello
hey its Michelle from San Francisco.
(formalities)
.... i just drove out and wanted to see what you were up to....
i was heading home, where are you?
i'm right off the 110 at the Chevron on Fig.
oh.. where you staying?
i'll probably sleep in my car or something.
nonsense.. you eat yet?
nah
i'll come get you and we'll head out. give me like 15 minutes
ok.

i had to admit, my heart was beating a little faster, i could feel my palms start to sweat, i drove a little faster, i glanced in the rear view to make sure there wasn't anything hiding in my beard, other than my bullshit.

she followed me to my place and parked. i got out to open the door for her, and i locked my side, for the Bronx Tale test. as i walked around the back of my car, i saw her lean over and unlock my door, and then open it and give it a nice push.

fuck yes. things hadn't changed. i was in

we drove out for tacos. i threw a few glances her way while i was driving, she hadn't changed a bit. that long mass of curly brown hair, those dark, giant raccoon eyes, and her legs sticking out under that nice skirt. i imagined pulling her skirt up around her waist and going to town. it was quiet a treat.

she put up a nice fight when i told her she could stay with me, she was in town to finish her album and secretly wanted to hang out, but didn't want to make it seem like i was her only option. i pretended i didn't realize this, why? i had my reasons, i ran my hand through my beard again, more bullshit building up.

the whole drive home she couldn't stop talking about how much she wanted to get high.

there's a rumbling going on above me, fucking guy upstairs has about 18 small dogs and i awake almost every morning to the sound of their small feet shuffling back and forth, constant barking, and a loud blaring t.v.
occasionally, the guys and i get together and play some music late into the night, he never complains, so i don't complain about the dog pound he's running upstairs.
unspoken agreement

meanwhile, back in the car with the Ukrainian pot head:

i gave in and told her we'd smoke, but i didn't have anything to smoke out of. the resourceful girl went ahead and made a pipe out of aluminum foil. this is the part where it got a little weird.

we were sitting out on the steps of my building. the weed was pretty much gone now, but the poor girl wanted to go for broke. she took one last long, hard hit and coughed. she inhaled so hard that the foil broke and all the ash went halfway down her throat, she coughed a little more, stood up, and vomited on my pants and shoes

i tried not to laugh, but couldn't help it.

"oh my gawd, you must think i'm so gross, i'm sorry.. i'm sorry.."

on and on like this, i assured her that it was all cool, we headed up to the apartment. i gave her my old chef pants and a long sleeve shirt. when i took my shoes off she laughed at the hole in my sock and called me cheap. i laughed with her and turned the light out.

we lay there together for several minutes, not saying a word. i finally put my arm around her and started kissing the back of her neck, she shuttered and i could feel her body warming up. i grabbed her chin lightly and moved her head towards me, we kissed momentarily, my hands ran up and down those beautiful legs of hers. she tasted like orange soda.

i woke up to the rumbling sound of the dogs above me. bark bark, hack hack, cough cough, sniffle sniffle, what a night. i looked over and saw that she was gone. i ran out to the living room and looked out the window, her car was nowhere to be seen.

what a hell of a way to start a new year.i showered and had some coffee. i sat there in my chair for awhile thinking about the night before, and how i wanted more of that. how i wanted every night to be as fun filled and comfortable as that. how i wanted more action and to be able to look into those big dark eyes. to smell her on me and know that no matter what a bitch the girl could be, or how much of an asshole i could be, we'd still find a way to make it out of the jungle alive. to make it.

i walked out to the trash chute and opened the door. i held the socks in my hand for a long time, harnessing the moment, being infatuated with someone who probably only saw me as a friend, and i would never hear from again. i thought about the reality of the situation. i balled the socks up and threw them down the chute, down into the trash. i trotted back up the stairs and ran my hand through my beard again...