Round Dos

i can't express
your unbeknown shiftiness
i wanted to say shitiness
but the English language spell check refuses to acknowledged
"shit"
as a word
sad
i don't think any of you will ever understand what it's like
to look into someones face and feel constant liar
constant bullshit
constant
constant
constant
constant
immediate
lack of consideration
i must write this down
or one day
i'll walk out of the kitchen
with paco's aluminum bat held tight in my hands
and go after the mirrors
go after the beer tab
go after the sangria glass
and break it all apart
sometimes nothing would make me happier
than throwing a chair through a plate glass window
theres love in here somewhere
and i hide it well
i'm waiting
wondering
hoping
for the next one
to show me that this isn't all so sick
to prove that maybe what i'm thinking
isn't so bad after all
maybe i just need a hug
a stupid small sign of affection
something to show me that this place
isn't filled with horrible people
like i think it is
maybe i just need someone to drop their shit
like i dropped mine
but you always prove me wrong
fuck it
i'm young
maybe this is just now
and that's cool
i guess

of Freaking Course

of course you like this
you like that
you like how everything fits in this nice little basket
everything "neat"
if i were to choke
and die
right at this time
i wouldn't deny
anything i ever said
you know me
i don't hide anything
i put it all out there
and its sad that people don't have the balls
to be themselves
to withstand the current of bullshit
washing over you
and why is this place filled with so many shitty people?
especially the ones that say they are "good"
happen to be the worst off of them all
i don't support any causes
because in all of them
is a little nazi in the leaders heart
and i don't support nazi's
or hypocrites
or plagiarism
or unoriginal thought
or stupid macho energy
or bullshit that is said to say to help people who want to say something
take a second
look through your lens
everything around you is destructible
and we have no choice but to live here
we have to
have to
HAVE TO
live here
so we can either die off into the air
or come to terms with this constant
immediate
definite
burden
die slow
sleep tight
live hard
and push your face against the plate glass
and taste skin
it's been awhile
come back cody
i miss you

I Am Only Entertainment

in everything worth thinking about
i ask, "where is this going?"
some precious items
for which I'd give a piece of my soul
are tools using tools
devices for our minds to convince ourselves
who's wrong and who's right
for everything not worth anyone
i ingest what is needed
to make me whole again
and just like the ones before
i move to the left
and let you fall
off
this cliff
then you wonder why
i
let you
be caught by someone else
who will just as fast let you go
after they've taken exactly what they want
and you've been drained of anything
that makes you whole
but alas
it is my own fault
for choosing the faulty
and i know why
because you give me something to write about
you prove everything that I've ever assumed
is correct
your opinions change like the weather
your soul is nonexistent
your desire lays directly inline with your own greed
with your own emotional well being
with your own mistakes
which are not necessary for you to execute
if you were a person
with some kind of conscious or moral value
or value at all for that matter
so it's sad for me to look in those eyes
one after another
and see the same things
see the same apathy
the exact hollowness right down into your heart
which is sour as rotten apples
and who am i to talk out of mouth?
divulge all the information that will turn you away
because its the truth
and you know it
but you drink and dance
and want to feel out of control
in order to blame others for your own faulty wiring
"should i feel bad?"
yes
fuck you
and
it's like you're all in line
to get hit with the brick of truth
and i won't be scared to throw the first one
right into your dead eyes
because you don't fucking feel anyway
right?
right.

and We Pass Like Strangers in the Hallway

we sat with our backs to the cold wall
venetian blinds dividing
jabbing into our skulls
we were
barely recognizable
cheap white wine bottle between our naked bodies
as the cave singers yelped
mutual admiration
i got up and took the bottle
put my clothes on and proceeded to
run the bath for you and light some candles
and as you slipped that sweet tasting naked body in
i remained in my clothes
"get in"
"uh huh.. you relax.. i'll scrub.."
shooting me a glance
half believing, half weary, half tempted to laugh
but you remained
naked in the bath
sitting down, i put my back up against the wall and lit a cigarette
and
you reached over, pulled it out of my mouth and took a drag
passing it back
both the cigarette and bottle
you told me about your past
i listened intently, discovering how you and i weren't really all that different
running parallel to each other
i scrubbed you softly
running my hands all over that smooth skin
running my hands up your chest to the back of your neck
wrapping my hands around the back of your neck
squeezing ever so hard
until you'd whimper
small and sweet
and tremble under my hand
looking up at me with those big brown eyes
cigarette still clenched in my teeth
i felt like i was made of wood and wire

no time now
leave the most points
remember this time

well.. Theres That

and i feel sick
i watch the monkey bang the symbols in his brain
as he works over the solution
so carefully planned out
and becoming the nuisance
becoming obnoxious
becoming real
i drop
everything that i believed
was what i felt
before
always feeling two steps from the finish line
i never get to complete what i always thought was
mine
too soon
in my head it all seems so simple
see what you want
go and do it
the time in between is spent infatuated with what seems alright
but while i lay
alone
at night
i shrivel and chill
shake around like ice cubes in the glass
waiting for the drink to make me feel
alright
no arguments
no kind of waiting time
no desire to be wanted
i want it as it wants me
so essentially we're both parasites
devouring organisms around us
devouring people
eating us all the while we think we're still alive
and i feel sick
above this
i feel tired
tired of runaways putting up all kinds of fronts
tired of these unknowns always wanting what isn't in front
of their eyes
but i know i'm weak
and as soon as the phone rings
i'll pickup
and be the midnight man
driving fast across the city
with a cigarette danging from my lips
and as i watch the parking enforcement signs
i lock my doors
kill the switch
chew some gum
and
i feel sick
so
i walk around
warm and tight
waiting for the one
but
i'm
always two steps from the finish line

The Green Phone and God Part II

the phone rang just now
the green phone
the rotary phone
the dead phone
it was god on the other end
i really couldn't understand what he was saying
receiving only bits and pieces
i could decipher this:
"peanuts... almonds... testicles.. home.. where do we start? uncle... i'm not getting cut... yooo hooo....."
haywire
i asked my uncle what he thought of my situation
he said it's, "okay"
i asked him if i was making the right moves?
he said, "they're okay"
i asked him what he thought of this girl
he said, "she's okay"
"uncle"
"yeah?"
"whats with all the okays?"
"you don't understand do you?"
"eh?"
"none of what you're asking matters"
"eh?"
"if you have to ask, i shouldn't tell you. you know already.. so don't waste our time"
"are you saying that what i'm saying to you is what i already know?"
.......
..
.
.