in everything worth thinking about
i ask, "where is this going?"
some precious items
for which I'd give a piece of my soul
are tools using tools
devices for our minds to convince ourselves
who's wrong and who's right
for everything not worth anyone
i ingest what is needed
to make me whole again
and just like the ones before
i move to the left
and let you fall
off
this cliff
then you wonder why
i
let you
be caught by someone else
who will just as fast let you go
after they've taken exactly what they want
and you've been drained of anything
that makes you whole
but alas
it is my own fault
for choosing the faulty
and i know why
because you give me something to write about
you prove everything that I've ever assumed
is correct
your opinions change like the weather
your soul is nonexistent
your desire lays directly inline with your own greed
with your own emotional well being
with your own mistakes
which are not necessary for you to execute
if you were a person
with some kind of conscious or moral value
or value at all for that matter
so it's sad for me to look in those eyes
one after another
and see the same things
see the same apathy
the exact hollowness right down into your heart
which is sour as rotten apples
and who am i to talk out of mouth?
divulge all the information that will turn you away
because its the truth
and you know it
but you drink and dance
and want to feel out of control
in order to blame others for your own faulty wiring
"should i feel bad?"
yes
fuck you
and
it's like you're all in line
to get hit with the brick of truth
and i won't be scared to throw the first one
right into your dead eyes
because you don't fucking feel anyway
right?
right.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
and We Pass Like Strangers in the Hallway
we sat with our backs to the cold wall
venetian blinds dividing
jabbing into our skulls
we were
barely recognizable
cheap white wine bottle between our naked bodies
as the cave singers yelped
mutual admiration
i got up and took the bottle
put my clothes on and proceeded to
run the bath for you and light some candles
and as you slipped that sweet tasting naked body in
i remained in my clothes
"get in"
"uh huh.. you relax.. i'll scrub.."
shooting me a glance
half believing, half weary, half tempted to laugh
but you remained
naked in the bath
sitting down, i put my back up against the wall and lit a cigarette
and
you reached over, pulled it out of my mouth and took a drag
passing it back
both the cigarette and bottle
you told me about your past
i listened intently, discovering how you and i weren't really all that different
running parallel to each other
i scrubbed you softly
running my hands all over that smooth skin
running my hands up your chest to the back of your neck
wrapping my hands around the back of your neck
squeezing ever so hard
until you'd whimper
small and sweet
and tremble under my hand
looking up at me with those big brown eyes
cigarette still clenched in my teeth
i felt like i was made of wood and wire
venetian blinds dividing
jabbing into our skulls
we were
barely recognizable
cheap white wine bottle between our naked bodies
as the cave singers yelped
mutual admiration
i got up and took the bottle
put my clothes on and proceeded to
run the bath for you and light some candles
and as you slipped that sweet tasting naked body in
i remained in my clothes
"get in"
"uh huh.. you relax.. i'll scrub.."
shooting me a glance
half believing, half weary, half tempted to laugh
but you remained
naked in the bath
sitting down, i put my back up against the wall and lit a cigarette
and
you reached over, pulled it out of my mouth and took a drag
passing it back
both the cigarette and bottle
you told me about your past
i listened intently, discovering how you and i weren't really all that different
running parallel to each other
i scrubbed you softly
running my hands all over that smooth skin
running my hands up your chest to the back of your neck
wrapping my hands around the back of your neck
squeezing ever so hard
until you'd whimper
small and sweet
and tremble under my hand
looking up at me with those big brown eyes
cigarette still clenched in my teeth
i felt like i was made of wood and wire
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
well.. Theres That
and i feel sick
i watch the monkey bang the symbols in his brain
as he works over the solution
so carefully planned out
and becoming the nuisance
becoming obnoxious
becoming real
i drop
everything that i believed
was what i felt
before
always feeling two steps from the finish line
i never get to complete what i always thought was
mine
too soon
in my head it all seems so simple
see what you want
go and do it
the time in between is spent infatuated with what seems alright
but while i lay
alone
at night
i shrivel and chill
shake around like ice cubes in the glass
waiting for the drink to make me feel
alright
no arguments
no kind of waiting time
no desire to be wanted
i want it as it wants me
so essentially we're both parasites
devouring organisms around us
devouring people
eating us all the while we think we're still alive
and i feel sick
above this
i feel tired
tired of runaways putting up all kinds of fronts
tired of these unknowns always wanting what isn't in front
of their eyes
but i know i'm weak
and as soon as the phone rings
i'll pickup
and be the midnight man
driving fast across the city
with a cigarette danging from my lips
and as i watch the parking enforcement signs
i lock my doors
kill the switch
chew some gum
and
i feel sick
so
i walk around
warm and tight
waiting for the one
but
i'm
always two steps from the finish line
i watch the monkey bang the symbols in his brain
as he works over the solution
so carefully planned out
and becoming the nuisance
becoming obnoxious
becoming real
i drop
everything that i believed
was what i felt
before
always feeling two steps from the finish line
i never get to complete what i always thought was
mine
too soon
in my head it all seems so simple
see what you want
go and do it
the time in between is spent infatuated with what seems alright
but while i lay
alone
at night
i shrivel and chill
shake around like ice cubes in the glass
waiting for the drink to make me feel
alright
no arguments
no kind of waiting time
no desire to be wanted
i want it as it wants me
so essentially we're both parasites
devouring organisms around us
devouring people
eating us all the while we think we're still alive
and i feel sick
above this
i feel tired
tired of runaways putting up all kinds of fronts
tired of these unknowns always wanting what isn't in front
of their eyes
but i know i'm weak
and as soon as the phone rings
i'll pickup
and be the midnight man
driving fast across the city
with a cigarette danging from my lips
and as i watch the parking enforcement signs
i lock my doors
kill the switch
chew some gum
and
i feel sick
so
i walk around
warm and tight
waiting for the one
but
i'm
always two steps from the finish line
The Green Phone and God Part II
the phone rang just now
the green phone
the rotary phone
the dead phone
it was god on the other end
i really couldn't understand what he was saying
receiving only bits and pieces
i could decipher this:
"peanuts... almonds... testicles.. home.. where do we start? uncle... i'm not getting cut... yooo hooo....."
haywire
i asked my uncle what he thought of my situation
he said it's, "okay"
i asked him if i was making the right moves?
he said, "they're okay"
i asked him what he thought of this girl
he said, "she's okay"
"uncle"
"yeah?"
"whats with all the okays?"
"you don't understand do you?"
"eh?"
"none of what you're asking matters"
"eh?"
"if you have to ask, i shouldn't tell you. you know already.. so don't waste our time"
"are you saying that what i'm saying to you is what i already know?"
.......
..
.
.
the green phone
the rotary phone
the dead phone
it was god on the other end
i really couldn't understand what he was saying
receiving only bits and pieces
i could decipher this:
"peanuts... almonds... testicles.. home.. where do we start? uncle... i'm not getting cut... yooo hooo....."
haywire
i asked my uncle what he thought of my situation
he said it's, "okay"
i asked him if i was making the right moves?
he said, "they're okay"
i asked him what he thought of this girl
he said, "she's okay"
"uncle"
"yeah?"
"whats with all the okays?"
"you don't understand do you?"
"eh?"
"none of what you're asking matters"
"eh?"
"if you have to ask, i shouldn't tell you. you know already.. so don't waste our time"
"are you saying that what i'm saying to you is what i already know?"
.......
..
.
.
Less TV
it's quiet
way too quiet
quiet enough
go home
come back tomorrow
and maybe i'll have something for you
but today
quiet
crickets
sprinklers
ice hitting glass
pour
type poor
way too quiet
quiet enough
go home
come back tomorrow
and maybe i'll have something for you
but today
quiet
crickets
sprinklers
ice hitting glass
pour
type poor
Why Don't We Take a Walk First
sometime when i was 16
my father asked me to take a ride with him
i sat in the passenger seat
submerging myself in the tan interior
of the big Dodge Diplomat
hanging my arm out of the window
while dad drove
cigarette hanging from his lips
we stopped at the liquor store
and he bought himself a tall can
and a carton of eggs
then we pulled off to the side of the parking lot
and we both got out
"i'm going to teach you how to drive"
"okay"
shit i thought
i was extremely nervous
first off because i was a nervous kid
that's about it
i was a nervous kid
i am a nervous kid
i got in and he leaned over and buckled me up
cigarette still hanging from his lips
he took the eggs and placed them in two paper bags
one bag he placed between my chest and the seat belt
the other he placed between my legs
as he got in the passenger seat, he cracked his beer
instructions were given
the part i remember most was this:
"i want to you drive slow, get used to her, feel her in your finger tips, once you have that in you and it feels natural, press the gas a bit, feel it out, let it open up, speed up.. but always remember those eggs. the eggs between your legs. protect your nuts. don't be a turkey."
i drove home tonight with a paper bag full of eggs between my legs
and didn't even think about them being there
it felt natural
i appreciate it when the pure things in life
come natural
it's as if the universe is smiling down on me
nodding its head
saying
"hey man, you're alright"
damn right
my father asked me to take a ride with him
i sat in the passenger seat
submerging myself in the tan interior
of the big Dodge Diplomat
hanging my arm out of the window
while dad drove
cigarette hanging from his lips
we stopped at the liquor store
and he bought himself a tall can
and a carton of eggs
then we pulled off to the side of the parking lot
and we both got out
"i'm going to teach you how to drive"
"okay"
shit i thought
i was extremely nervous
first off because i was a nervous kid
that's about it
i was a nervous kid
i am a nervous kid
i got in and he leaned over and buckled me up
cigarette still hanging from his lips
he took the eggs and placed them in two paper bags
one bag he placed between my chest and the seat belt
the other he placed between my legs
as he got in the passenger seat, he cracked his beer
instructions were given
the part i remember most was this:
"i want to you drive slow, get used to her, feel her in your finger tips, once you have that in you and it feels natural, press the gas a bit, feel it out, let it open up, speed up.. but always remember those eggs. the eggs between your legs. protect your nuts. don't be a turkey."
i drove home tonight with a paper bag full of eggs between my legs
and didn't even think about them being there
it felt natural
i appreciate it when the pure things in life
come natural
it's as if the universe is smiling down on me
nodding its head
saying
"hey man, you're alright"
damn right
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