Bring in the Clowns

the bottom of this felt like the top of her. it was a pleasure to hear the knocking sounds coming from television, i scooted over and wrapped my arm around her, she laid her head against my chest. i was sauced, this was alright. we kept drinking. for every one i had one. i started pouring them with a little less Dr. Pepper. she didn't seem to mind. the candy cane was starting to dissolve in her cup, i threw a few more life savers in there for her, she always liked the red ones. you always liked the red ones didn't you? i was neither here nor there for the red ones. they're nice, but the red, green, yellow, and whatever other color taste all the same, and you know it, it's a trick your mind plays on you, telling you the red taste like watermelon or berries, and the green taste like apple, it's bullshit and we know it!

she started getting a little angry, i could see her eyes narrow, her inward seething, i could she some steam billowing out of her ears, i think she was mad that i had made it in, all the defenses put up, all the "i don't cares", were really, "i'm too scared to care", it's easier to not lose if you don't ever play the game. i'm not scared of losing, i just don't want to be on the sidelines watching all the action, wishing i was in there, the potential to get hurt, but there's also the potential for victory. hurt is hurt, victory is love.

it's hard to win
especially when you don't try

i don't know what happened to me.

but i dislike people
most people
some people i like
some of you are alright
sometimes
i miss people for the good things
then i remember why i don't talk to those certain people anymore
and i still smile
because it's true
the best ones are crazy
the worst ones are here
the okay ones never touch ground
head
in
the
clouds

i'll tell you what though

i'll laugh hard the day my bullshit gets proven wrong

maybe i am wrong?
i think i might be?
nah
not like this. i've dodged alot of bullets. i've been lucky. thanks baby.

she was angry though. and when we started fooling around she used words like
"eat that fucking pussy"
and
"you gonna give me that dick?"

maybe some guys dig that
but i'm secure with what i got going on
so lets not pretend okay?

lots of questions have been coming around here lately, and i'm all for new experiences, but i miss myself.

now that's selfish.

Lately

and lately
everything frustrates me
the coffee spilling on my pants
the cigarette ash blown on my shirt
the morons around me
the apathy in their eyes
that scowl
people not holding doors open for other people
douche bag honking at grandma crossing the street to hurry up
people not making good on their word
me me me
blah blah blah
fucking alex
get out of your head
because this anger
gets you nowhere
where you going?
nowhere.
whats a guy to write about if he ever becomes completely happy?
no one wants to read happy, self serving bullshit.
you all want blood
you want a fucking riot
drink, sex, heart break, anger, love, passion, electricity, struggle, war, destruction and pain
somebody needs to do something
i can hear my typewriter whimper at night
shes lonely
misses my fingers
my stiff fingers dancing all over her
the coffee cup circle
on my desk
sits empty
i hear you baby
just hold on
i'll be back soon
soon enough
and i'll fuck you
like the worlds going to end
like my last words will be on you
but
i'm at a peak now
but on the way down
it'll be sweet to write about

Everybody Wants to Feel Special

Standing on the corner
occupying my pockets
with my sweaty hands
and flies
shoved inside my wallet
With my pant cuffs rolled high
and I'm waiting for the tide,
to recede into the moon
and let me stand on earth

but the people pass on
with their heads down and wink
and to feel numb i keep drinking,
sipping from my flask
consuming the flies
the rum taste fine
while i keep sleeping
and outside
the world keeps passing me by,
but i don't mind riding
the back seat to life

Sally walks up
and takes a hold of my jacket collar
kissing me deeply
she swallows my inability
to produce sincere laughter
and inside i spark
but she'll never know
because things like that
aren’t allowed out into the air
because they’ll lose value

riding on the train
watching the mountains grow
i think to myself about
how long it takes
to move a hipster west
we pass into a valley
and as the boulders fall
and smash against the car
i open my arms
and
welcome the growing silence

I Was Expecting Rain

rubbing my face,
harsh against the glass
being somebody
nobody.
watching as the leprechauns migrate around me
waiting for my one slip
my one mistake
so they could rob me blind
and beat me
upstairs
god how it hurts
the pain throbs at the windows
the glass bleeds slowly
a shit load of glass hammers
beating the stuffing out of us
us
we
you
me
i
key
uh oh.

Deny ME.

down on suppression plant
leaves breath
quick change mind
i don't mind
below all else
like nothing else
below your sweet stench
i live
like
a mother
fucking demon
.
oh.
yes

It's Not Glamours Work

sew me up
as i lose my stuffing
my inner fiber
the demented dollar
even the peanut butter is melting
separating
in it's can
losing its sustainability
questioning it's moral ethic
even the peanut butter melts
and
and
the dye was cast

Dougal sat there, grinning, stupid wide mouth grin, town fool, town drunk, town crier.

When the Trees Bleed

walk on the beach with the crustaceans
as i crawl
and we crawl
down on the beach
when the surfers wash down their waves
and beer on the ledge
never looked so good
as when you stood
in front
of me
on my own
personal beach
damn your eyes
damn
your
eyes
i awoke
sometime around early "am"
when you pulled the blanket tight around yourself
and the heat from the fire burning off the 210
slowly dissipated
because the sun was down for so long
i watched as the sun finally came in through the window
and the early morning buses rolled by
and the leaf blowers fired up
and i stared at your beautiful body
next to mine
and i asked myself:
"how'd i get so lucky?"
it's a question without an answer
so don't try to think
because we'll break our brains
and that won't be good
all i'm saying
pretty baby
is balance
and balance
as i licked your soft skin
and you tasted of bubblicious
it was
unlike anything else
and
i undid yourself
with my teeth
pulling at the silky string
hanging from your hips
just
one
more
kiss
before
we both
simmer
and now
as you lay your head against my arm
and i drove us into space
and beyond
it was nice
it was clean
and
i know you felt it too