Highball

every night
thousands of young men
sit in their dingy apartments
drinking highballs
those same young men
lets call them "loners"
have their own special chair
they go for it on typewriters, laptops
old dirty desktop computers
with keys missing on their keyboards
they wallow in self loathing, despair, pity
and miserable anguish
which is all pointless
and only prolongs their alone time
it feels rewarding for them, to suffer a bit,
to sweat and toil for nothing
only so they have something to put down
on paper
they drink late into the night, approaching morning hours
with great apprehension
and as the cloud of dust settles over
their drunken bodies passed out on floor mattresses
they awake to the first baking sun beam flowing
through their windows frying and scrambling
their misery
clawing relentlessly at their hearts
feeling worthless and alone
they punch in and punch out
only to follow their same routine
hoping that someone will come save them.
that something in that outside world will notice them
and shatter their walls in hopes of a savior
hey
guys
guess what?
it's the same out here
so what are we all crying for?

Panda the Dog

There is no answer
to anything
it's all very vague
arbitrary
that's the point though
we've been granted with different brains
people pass through life
some stay
some go
aye
that's the nature of the beast right?
right.
you lose an arm
but you keep going
you lose face
but you keep going
i'll never end my life
i wouldn't give you all that satisfaction
of knowing that life beat me
because...
shit...
it ain't that bad
sometimes i'm feeling down
sometimes high
but that's the nature of the beast.
right?
right.
i look at myself
single at 24
drinking beer
watching movies
eating cold pizza (thank you brother)
on a sunday night
but hey
that's cool
someone will throw me a bone
soon
and if they don't
then what the fuck?
i keep going
it's all about endurance
i can't run a mile without stopping for a smoke
and i can't go a day, without a beer
surging through my system
but this is now
ten years from this spot
i won't write the same things
it'll be a different spot
with different people
and different lives
interweaving
it'll all be different
get it?
sure.
this is documentation
to look back
and see where i was
what i did
and how i did it
i
so many i's
i this
i that
i am here
you are there
i hate that too.
i'm sure you see it
i see it
but for me
this whole thing
isn't about attention
or acknowledgement
it's about keeping a track record
being able to look at it
and say,
"oh shit, i see it."
so don't indulge me
don't validate me
just let me
be
my
imperfect
aye!

some mornings,
you wake up
and it looks hopeless
then you look out the window,
searching for some kind of answer
out there with the cars, trees,
humans
no.
no answer out there.
so you crack a book, or search for a phrase
that will lighten the morning
nope
not there either.
some mornings,
you wake up,
and it looks hopeless,
but then you remember
that.
that....
uh...
there's no uplifting words to fill that in with.
you do it because you have to
and you must.
because you can't let this world get you down
you can't let people get you down
all you have to do
is outlast everyone
endurance
if you can stay awake just long enough
while these other hacks fall asleep
at the party
you'll be sober enough to drive home
while the sun comes up
and feel that morning frost
melt off you

Some Heavy Stuff Man

i can understand
why people don't enjoy my company
i tend to put weight on everything
value on most events and moments
high standards for people
and it's true
i ask a lot sometimes from people
but what i'm asking for is not unreasonable by any means.
decency
i cannot emphasize this word enough.
decency is easy
hold the door open
say thank you
smile every once in a while
shake hands
be sincere
ask about their lives
give change to the street folk
if you don't have change, give the guy a cigarette
or a pack of matches
or a goddamn acknowledgement
decency
its that easy
all i ask from people
is kindness
and i sit here in awe
because i can count the good people i know
on 3 fingers
we're losing the race here folks
time to catch up.

all You have Is Time

the time wasn't then
it wasn't the time then
and the time isn't now
because you're in another place now
but when we were back there, it felt like the time for me
back there wasn't the time for you?
ok i get it now.
how bout now?
no. not the time either?
we did have some good times though right?
back then i mean.
yeah.
well when will it be the time? you think maybe sometime soon?
i don't really know, times change, you get it right?
understand you mean?
yes?
not this time.
time is on our side
yes. this is true
but sometime from now, maybe in the next 50 years, the time will be right and we can spend more time together.
more time together you say?
yeah, well, right now is the time for someone else, and once i'm done wasting time with them, then i'll see that time is catching up with me and it'll be the time for you and i.
hmmmm
so it's a question of time right?
i think if the time wasn't then, then the time will never be now, or any time from now.
but there's not telling when the time is right, it just happens.

this is true, but if the time didn't happen back there, when the timing felt right, then the time will never be right again.

so why waste our fucking time?

http://www.shutfthefuckupplease.com

hey
brain!
shut the fuck up huh?
it's 4 am now
and i'm trying to get down to bed
a little sleep
but you don't seem to want that
you keep talking
and running
slow down just for a bit
because the body is crying for a break
so hey
brain
i don't like it when we're half asleep
and you start babbling on about
how to put the screen back on the window
in the most efficient way
or how to tuck the blankets into the side of the bed
so they don't get pulled out
in the middle of the night
can we please both stop starring at the shadows
slow dancing on the ceiling
so hey
you
brain
now that i think about it
keep giving me these thoughts
because at least you're operating effectively
and firing on all cylinders
which is more than i can say
for 90% of the people that pass
in front of our eyes
so keep them thoughts coming
we'll find a way to cope

Joan

tonight,
i was going to go home,
tonight,
i was planning on drinking alone,
but somehow
i ended up
at a jazz place
with a frank sinatra look-a-like
and he sang
until tears ran out of
his brown
not blue
eyes
i sat next to a woman
not girl
who was 65
she was interesting
somewhat distracting
and more informative
than all of you combined
she is wrinkled
and old
13 minute older
than her sister
we talked
and smoked cigarettes
a classy lady
that puts all of you to rest
joan
you are sexy
because you have a brain
and it's unfortunate
that i meet you now
at 65 years
35 beyond your prime
your husband died
and you battled with cancer
but your opinions
your hopes
your humanity
won me over
and you asked nothing of me
but to be your friend
and damn if i'll be
someone there
that will learn
that will listen
until
you whisper your last dying breath
and it might seem awkward
to you who don't understand
but woman like joan
are what makes
a man
a man
i wish women now
could have that kind of loyalty
that kind of fight
that kind of fierce
underrating laugh
that tugs at my inner being
a true women
in the sense of the word
a women who's had everything
lost it all
and now wants
nothing
more
than to be adored
and have her head
rubbed
until
she fades into sleep
a women
a definitive
being