Joan

tonight,
i was going to go home,
tonight,
i was planning on drinking alone,
but somehow
i ended up
at a jazz place
with a frank sinatra look-a-like
and he sang
until tears ran out of
his brown
not blue
eyes
i sat next to a woman
not girl
who was 65
she was interesting
somewhat distracting
and more informative
than all of you combined
she is wrinkled
and old
13 minute older
than her sister
we talked
and smoked cigarettes
a classy lady
that puts all of you to rest
joan
you are sexy
because you have a brain
and it's unfortunate
that i meet you now
at 65 years
35 beyond your prime
your husband died
and you battled with cancer
but your opinions
your hopes
your humanity
won me over
and you asked nothing of me
but to be your friend
and damn if i'll be
someone there
that will learn
that will listen
until
you whisper your last dying breath
and it might seem awkward
to you who don't understand
but woman like joan
are what makes
a man
a man
i wish women now
could have that kind of loyalty
that kind of fight
that kind of fierce
underrating laugh
that tugs at my inner being
a true women
in the sense of the word
a women who's had everything
lost it all
and now wants
nothing
more
than to be adored
and have her head
rubbed
until
she fades into sleep
a women
a definitive
being

How to Be Happy

in a society where
women pass from bed to bed
looking for "the one"
and men pass from woman to woman
looking for the "one right now"
marriage followed by divorce
relationships end
and people try to regress back
into a comfortable place
because they've fucked their lives up
and are just floating
from one cloud
to another
lets not forget
the landfills become bigger
we consume and consume
expect more from life
wonder why we weren't granted golden passes
into eden
pray to hollow gods and love material things
love the wrong people and pray for a difference
and
it stays the same
everyone is sleepwalking
not everyone
some are on the outside
looking in
and
those who will not lay down
and take it
those who will not "fit" or "conform"
into your horrible society
are labeled negative, pessimistic, and cynical
jaded with tense faces
there is nothing more beautiful
than ugly truth
thrown into the face
of shallow marching souls
in this society.
and we do not need to belong to an organization
a non profit group
a facebook group
or any kind of group
because we are so embedded into our
own morals
and principals
that we naturally become loners
fighting against the grain
of
all of you
we are full of passion
and anger
actually,
it scares me
that more of you aren't angry.
are you so preoccupied
with your own self induced bullshit,
that you can't stand up
but rather lay down and be fucked
by outside forces?
this monster is designed to kill you
slowly
devour your soul
one ounce at a time
keep you underfoot
so that you can spend your hardworking money
on shit you don't need
and spend your time on this planet
working a job that doesn't amount
doesn't make a difference
at all?
you will all die
and so will i
i am
constantly told to be "happier"
well
frankly
it's easy to be happy
when there isn't much going on in the brain
and you can sprinkle glitter on everything
and you can believe in bullshit
and you can love people momentarily
and you can be chased constantly
it's a wonderful feeling isn't it?
but a shallow feeling nonetheless
and you can wake up each morning
drink your coffee
drive your shitty car
punch in at your shitty job
to serve selfish pricks
who do the same as you.
and i do not need a job to validate me
or a woman to comfort me
or someone to love me
i will not lay down
i will not let people without humanity
get away with anything
because they deserve a slap in the face
a punch in the mouth
and a noose around their goddamn neck
if they don't even have the common decency
to treat another human being
with respect
and consideration
i say fuck that
can you hear me punching these goddamn keys?
can you hear me roaring at the top of my bloody lungs?
no you can't
because you're asleep
someone once said to me,
"you'll be happy one day"
i don't think so
i'm happy now
introducing a little chaos
a little disorder
into all of your perfect lives
i was brought here to fuck shit up
to spill your coffee
step on the back of your shoe
pull your hair
and tug at your heart
in hopes
that you will see
what i see
through these alcohol soaked eyes
so i say
when i stand in front of this society
i'll be the first in the group
to throw the brick of truth
through the glass
that separates us
as humans.

one
more
for the road
one
more
before
i take a nap
when
you're out
of words
out
of thoughts
brain
dripping
lucid
inside of head
shutting down
destruction is here
cracking
skull open
crawl
to
bed
suck
on
bottle
until you are full
for a short
time
wake
up
with
the first cold breeze
of the next day

Don't Give In

do you know, what it's like, when the christmas trees burn?
after they've been raped?
it doesn't take a new year
for people to change or transform
for people to learn anything new about decency
or humanity
they'll rape them too
just like they sodomized
everything they own
and some things
they don't
it's sad
how the people
have everything planned out
how you wear your clothes
how you cut your hair
and even individuals
who think they are unique
cry out in cliche despair
and
i am one of them.
the ground becomes soaked through
and the sand shifts
houses collapse
and we are forced into the street
i think about the homeless
the mad
the loners in their apartment houses
drinking cheap wine and smoking hand rolled cigarettes
someone needs to consider them
and i am proud
not for myself
but for their misfortunes
and how they are relentless,
how they will not go silently into the night
and fade out of existence
they will perceiver
and roar as loud
so loud
loud enough
that their sound will be carried against the hills surrounding
Los Angeles County
and echo into every available ear
any ear that will listen
this will tie us all together
the loners
the homeless
and the mad
we will never discuss these moments
never meet each other
but each night we will cry out
in our separate ways
can you hear me?
i'm roaring too!

As We Continue... to Decay

the rum is chilled ready to mix
as the cats cry out loud under my bedroom window
screeching waiting wanting each other
pussy chasing pussy
cars hiss by and brakes squeak for stops
slow creeping police cruiser up and down
up and down
up and down this hole
as the women with boyfriends
push opposite ways against cold wind
throwing sparks
as each strike ignites against cold steel
everyone in there is restless
and the boyfriends with no women
stand atop chairs
jerking off into the wind
with a noose tight around their neck
getting the timing just right
they're gonna need it
because tomorrow they take the big job
and they'll tie another noose around their neck
in the morning
marching like millions of little plastic soldiers
into tall buildings
that will eventually
eat them alive
they drive home in their steel cages
and police pull them over
to generate revenue because the state goes under
and
he wants nothing more
but to exist without causing a disruption
his fight is over
as for me
i'll sit here night after night
sucking on this bottle
pounding on these fucking keys
until my fingertips are calloused
i'm carving out my own piece of the American Dream
my own little corner of paradise
with a much needed dose of
truth

Letter to George Carlin

Georgie,
thank you for leaving so much for us. i have a plan for my future son (or daughter). i'll start them off easy, mostly Thomas the Tank Engine so they can get to know what Uncle Georgie looks like, and it'll be nostalgic for me, sitting there, as close to the tv as possible, it will remind me of those times i watched the show during those long afternoons at my aunt's house. as my child progresses, i'll get them on to Bill and Ted's.... but i know they'll eventually start losing interest. you get it right? of course you do.
I was probably in my room jerking off or watching M.A.S.H. when i heard my father call for me, i walked over, slumped shoulders, wondering what could cause this kind of disruption in our home? i stumbled into the room, still dragging my feet like a lousy snot nosed punk.
"check this guy out, he's funny."
i looked up and there you were, you still had most of your hair then, and it wasn't white. Carlin on Campus? possibly?
Sometime in high school, i tried to be either you or Andrew Dice Clay.
yeah i know, quit yelling.
So you get where i'm going? Consider this a thank you. a small insignificant gift now that you are gone. i admire you ability to work the word, you phrase them, time them, wrap them up and shoot them out of a cannon, you compare and contrast, point and shout, organize and shuffle all at the same time. more than your humor, the working of the word. it's beautiful. it's motivating. Fucking up lifting.

You'll live on, i'll be damn sure of it.

"Rat Shit, Bat Shit
Dirty old twat
69 assholes tied in a knot

hooray!!!
Lizard Shit!!!

FuCK!!!!

-alex

Go Straight to Jail

one can be optimistic and say events have no end, there is only a new beginning, a new wave to ride or opportunity to cash in on, as you pass go, you take those $200 and shove them in your pocket, only thinking about the next time you pass, but not reflecting on where you just came from and what it took out of your soul to get there, your only focus becomes getting back there to cash in, it's cyclical. You forget about the time you started out, the lone shoe on the board, with no friends or place to call home, you were no better than the thimble or top hat, those few dollars shoved in your pocket were your life blood, you relied on them and your gut instinct so much that no matter what move you made, or how you rolled, you knew that somehow the combination of brains and balls mixed with good judgement would have you come out unscathed. Feeling it beat in your chest, the cold board underneath each step, appreciation of continuation was always in your thoughts.
and now, as you march through life, you've become something bigger, something unmanageable. The tooth paste runs out and you buy more, you drink all the beer and you buy more. constantly consuming, you take no weight in the things that are before you. sit there now, and sip on that beer as if it was the last one ever presented before you, and for the rest of your life, you'd only be able to think of this moment.
puts more value on it, doesn't it?

drink like it's your last
and laugh like no more
think of salvation
as a chore
not worth doing

sometimes,
you've got to let go.