Go Straight to Jail

one can be optimistic and say events have no end, there is only a new beginning, a new wave to ride or opportunity to cash in on, as you pass go, you take those $200 and shove them in your pocket, only thinking about the next time you pass, but not reflecting on where you just came from and what it took out of your soul to get there, your only focus becomes getting back there to cash in, it's cyclical. You forget about the time you started out, the lone shoe on the board, with no friends or place to call home, you were no better than the thimble or top hat, those few dollars shoved in your pocket were your life blood, you relied on them and your gut instinct so much that no matter what move you made, or how you rolled, you knew that somehow the combination of brains and balls mixed with good judgement would have you come out unscathed. Feeling it beat in your chest, the cold board underneath each step, appreciation of continuation was always in your thoughts.
and now, as you march through life, you've become something bigger, something unmanageable. The tooth paste runs out and you buy more, you drink all the beer and you buy more. constantly consuming, you take no weight in the things that are before you. sit there now, and sip on that beer as if it was the last one ever presented before you, and for the rest of your life, you'd only be able to think of this moment.
puts more value on it, doesn't it?

drink like it's your last
and laugh like no more
think of salvation
as a chore
not worth doing

sometimes,
you've got to let go.

Cyclical

maybe a year and a half ago, i laid down with a girl, who was on her way to being married to a marine. i asked her not to marry "him" but with reason, not to marry me. she pursued what she did, and felt proud doing so. i sat by, knowing that she didn't belong there. she laughed, and loved, sometimes we'd sit and wonder why we weren't a couple. i gave up on her and finally moved forth. i traveled the best i could, examining everything i could get my hands on, and somehow, maybe not because of my bad vibes, they didn't work out. the girl is alone now, wondering when i'm filling space? i don't feel bad for her, because she was one of many. and now, i am at this place, where the girl i saw, who requested her own space, is now probably entangled in the arms of someone who by far doesn't deserve her.

this is where it gets good.

it came to me out of nowhere. and it felt good when it came. an awesome wave of relief washing over me. this girl, the now girl, lets call her "sara" is cradled in the arms of some shit bag. but a year from now, or maybe ten years from now, you're going to wake up and realize this shit bag is a shit bag. you'll look around and wonder where you went wrong. that's the best part for me, maybe i'm left, here, holding the shit stick on my own, but at least i believe in my faille, which is way more than yourself. i get it now. there's no way to describe it, you'll always be you, which is a fable character to begin with, your fickle love is transfered over by your own greed and well being, which is fantastic considering you try and spread your good graces all over everyone and make everything breathing being your friend. i get it now there's no better way to describe it. and the fact that you read my rambling bullshit means that you want to get it. but you never will because your brain is overclouded with you. and you and you and you and you it's all about you. how sad.

I Get IT Now

i get it now,
all the misadventures
i get it now,
i can see beyond the thin lines
every thing is a cycle
and i no longer hold faith
or hope
or love
for any of you
i get it now
you're all shallow souls
hoping to be liked
you're all looking
for the next step
to your misguided lives
i get it now.
i can see
from where i stand
who is worth a fight
and who is not
you
are
all
pigs
like me
waiting
in line
to be slaughtered
in the mean time
we dance
love
and laugh
to make this place
a little lighter

not today.
oh no
you won't get me today.
no.
not today.

Clorox

i
knew
what
was
going to happen
before you
damn your eyes
i knew
you
better
than
you knew
yourself
so i am not surprised
don't explain
anything
you don't
need to
i knew.
i get it.
so let us
pass
like strangers
in the hall
indifferent
to each
other
i have
to see you
so i will
be calm
kind
considerate
but i will save face.
i don't think
you really know
what the term
"friendship" means
you throw it around
like a rubber band ball
hoping
it'll bounce back
and you can
catch it
in your palm
and hold it.
you'll never learn
so why
waste
my breath
or
these words?
lets just find
a way
to be okay
with each other
and move
in our
opposing directions
shall we?
i have.
now you.

The Brick of Truth

ok
here goes
girls:
you don't know what to feel
so you pretend you're in a movie
the star of the show
and you play scenes out
according to how the director would request
girls:
you cannot be on your own
you cannot live alone
you need constant assurance
that you are beautiful
lovely
sexually attractive
and "intense"
girls:
you don't know passion
because your passion
comes from a shallow place
and people let you get away
with almost everything
because you have
what men want
girls:
you are boring
and annoying
and a walking hypocritical mass
"i want to be single"
sure you do hun
wait until someone discards you
and you'll run back to what works
because girls:
you don't ever have to develop as people
as a personality
because you are nothing but a hole
that needs to be filled
and nobody
here
ever
had the balls
to say it
to you
but what have i got to lose?
i know the system
and you're all the same
the formula
to life.

a Worthy Adversary

hey,
you,
yeah,
you with sandals and a robe
GOD!
i've never bothered you with my prayers
it'll be a waste of your time
you haven't given me many bad points
i lost a car to a hydrant
i've lost many a woman
to what?
not sure.
maybe too much truth???
or not enough bullshit?
i know you see me sucking on this bottle
i'll meet you one day
and we'll take a long stroll
do they have whiskey in heaven?
i sure hope so.
hey,
you,
yeah you,
GOD!
you've given me some good breaks
i think maybe you waved a wash of "Luck" over me
because i should of been dead a long time ago
like that time i crashed into a van
with no seat belt on
and my head hit the windshield
but somehow i didn't go through
maybe physics?
i try not to think about it.
i've been dealt a good hand.
these girls
seem so insignificant
compared to my other accomplishments
i almost detach myself
from all of you
the worth of a man is not how much he needs to be happy
but how little
give me some paper
and a pen
and my insides will warm through
enough to bleed into
your cold hearts
girls
you no longer surprise me
you're all easy
i see right through you
this year
will be
something
worth
writing about