and you're listening to.. Los Angeles

...

be my lush
and i'll be your drunk
we can both pretend like everything is okay
we can dance when there's no music
make love sunrise to sunset
and i'll wake up in the morning to make you coffee
and we'll share that first cigarette
but.
alas
people don't need love
they need success in some form of another
it can be love, but it doesn't have to be
people don't need religion
if they can believe in themselves
it's awful to give someone hope
some dream of a place better than this
a fake, sorrow filled story to transfix
it's horrible for someone to lie
because their reasoning is to keep from hurting
when your lie hurts twice as much as the truth
but you don't know anything about that do you?
people don't need television
if they weren't so afraid of their own thoughts
scared of small beast infecting their brains
gnawing on their hairless skulls
devouring, injecting, fornicating, fucking and sucking
frightened of modesty or morality
of virtue and lunacy
but they're not afraid to be victims
i haven't heard "i'm Sorry" muttered from a woman's mouth since i can remember
and i'm talking genuine, sincere, truthful sorry
which is asking alot
but somehow
in their twisted brains
they don't see the actions they take
or they rather remain oblivious to them
or maybe it doesn't matter?
perhaps i'm being a bit cynical
which is the typical role of the drunk correct?
ironic: none of you remember me
but i make it a point to remember you
that's all i have
you know what i love?
asking for your phone number in the goofiest way possible
bringing flowers that i picked especially for you
dancing together to the music in my head
showing up on your doorstep at 2am with a six pack of tecate
cooking you dinner from scratch
babying you when you're sick
feeding you gummy bears
putting my hand on the back of your neck as we walk down the street
running my hands through your hair
licking that nice piece between your earlobe and shoulders
rubbing your feet
acting bewildered
letting you feel independent
goodnight text
and good morning text
and we ramble like penguins
in the dysert
good night kiss
and good morning kiss
no matter how bad your breath stinks
whats funny
what makes me laugh down into my soul
is the things i enjoy the most, are never done to me
i take pleasure, great pleasure, in putting that smile on your face
whats the true laughing of the gods
is the ones who actually check this thing
this online "blog" (which is also bullshit)
are woman
woman
my biggest audience
my greatest delight
yes
my vice

L'Orchestre

and the sky fell out from under him
he dabbled briefly
in her napping icons
briefly
they wept together trying to stay young
digging their nails into each others back
both afraid that they sky would fall out from under them
and she was waiting for him
to drop
as he was waiting for her
to drop
small world isn't it
yes
nice to see you again
yes
we've all had too much to drink at one time or another
uh huh
and you are
strange boy
not strange
just young and drunk
i began to wonder if you were real
or just a dream
terribly unsure
very
very
slick
think fast as the rattle of ice cubes as they hit the glass
pulling the cork out of the rum bottle
not bothering to mix anymore
and i must persevere in whatever I'm doing
no matter how hopeless it seems
you think of everything
and she kept telling me
love is no more than the touching of skin
she cried when i left her
and i hated it
i hated the breaking up of things
the departure
the disruption
and i wore a suit for the occasion
which you eventually vomited on
as we stumbled home from the bar
all down my good side
right after we drew a mustache on Hello Kitty
with fire engine red lipstick
that came from your purse
when only earlier that week
i had drawn a hitler mustache on that same Kitty
on some other stumbling night
and i still kissed you
vomit mouth and all
sweaty forehead and all
sick and all
because
if you really see somebody inside
if you really.. truly are on the road to love
you accept
bad cigarette breath
ugly toes
maybe their ass doesn't curve they way you want
you accept them
wholehearted
without question
so we're back to here
waiting for the sky to fall out from under him
but not him
from under her
because midway through this
he realized her problem
her dilemma
is
she has never felt any true pain
which did not directly correspond to her own interest
nothing had ever left her
nothing had ever beat her
nothing had ever devoured her
nothing had ever touched her inside
other than an item that would lead her
to a higher ground
her father never beat her
and her mother never locked her in the bathroom
for extended periods of time
she never saw her mother cry
as dads fist came down into her face
and she never threw herself in between them
because she could never love
and.
and.
and i take it they were born under the right sign
if you rule by the stars,
you don't find it responsible in the things you do
it's the "current"

for every deep push one shall return, pushing farther and farther into you. and without any kind of expectations of limitations there is no let down, if there is no let down, there is no hurt. and we all don't want hurt. for every gift give 2 more and expect nothing more than what you're giving, and don't expect at all. the key to anything is to be into everything that's involved in that anything and love it for it's ugly parts the most, the beautiful parts second, and the numb parts last. instead of spreading thin and trying too much, reaching too far, being too much, and doing many things half heatedly, find 2 or 3 things worth mastering, that engulf you like that first caffeine high at the start of day. it begins in your calves and works its way up your knees, and washes over you like a wave of gin, like the hot breeze, the first hit off the cigarette and the last hit off the bottle, first kiss after the long fight, the cool side of the pillow on a hot night.
i can do this forever
and i will
i respect what i have and don't want too much more
everyone says comfortable
comfortable for some people is having furniture imported from the south of France
comfortable for me is now
i have wants and needs, desires and shallow dreams that come in and out of plain view, but alas i know who i am and what i'm capable of, so i reach further each time, but am not scared to fall back knowing that wherever i fall, i have it in me to dust myself off and come right back
full force
and now i leave you
temporarily
so when you wake up
rejoice
and
do-re-mi

Scribbled secret notebooks, and wild typewritten pages, for your own joy
Submissive to everything, open, listening
Try never get drunk outside your own house
Be in love with your life
Something that you feel will find its own form
Be crazy dumbsaint of the mind
Blow as deep as you want to blow
Write what you want bottomless from bottom of the mind
The unspeakable visions of the individual
No time for poetry but exactly what is
Visionary tics shivering in the chest
In tranced fixation dreaming upon object before you
Remove literary, grammatical and syntactical inhibition
Like Proust be an old teahead of time
Telling the true story of the world in interior monolog
The jewel center of interest is the eye within the eye
Write in recollection and amazement for yrself
Work from pithy middle eye out, swimming in language sea
Accept loss forever
Believe in the holy contour of life
Struggle to sketch the flow that already exists intact in mind
Don't think of words when you stop but to see picture better
Keep track of every day the date emblazoned in yr morning
No fear or shame in the dignity of yr experience, language & knowledge
Write for the world to read and see yr exact pictures of it
Bookmovie is the movie in words, the visual American form
In praise of Character in the Bleak inhuman Loneliness
Composing wild, undisciplined, pure, coming in from under, crazier the better
You're a Genius all the time
Writer-Director of Earthly movies Sponsored & Angeled in Heaven

- thank you jack
and cody

tonight
we both sat motionless in the midst of everything
both staring
at the sad, sorry ceiling
like if the answers were hidden in the tiles
i saw you smile twice in my general direction
as he was off to the bathroom
but i didn't acknowledge your razor stare
tearing into me
i'll call you once
i'll call you twice
and i'll be your midnight man
it's no fun this way
at least not now
after i've been all across your symphony
somewhat deranged
and you leave even before i get the chance
to offer you a stay
but everyone's hanging around your place
so you have to get home and show your face
i'll never see you again
and i want some of that gain
but to you i'm just
a midnight man

And I WIll Continue To...

lots of maybes
lost of because
my wants + needs=
no malarkey
consistency
i understand your movements
understand mine
compromise?
serious love triangle
you cum here
as much as i cum there
you give 1
for my every 2
it seems very middle of the road
i always meet halfway
at least in my eyes
there's lots of pride built up in this place
i know
which way i move
which way i do
which way i touch
which way i caress
will be right
and i'll keep running through all of you
until one of you
you
prove my fight
the struggle is half the battle
the brick is all the battle
when you concentrate on one
that's usually the one
that will let you down
when you spread yourself thin
you don't give yourself
to any of it.