Hit and a Mrs. (you keep calling me)

to pretend
to fit in
you can't sit still
so you find other conversations to join
opinions are vague
disillusion
talk about protection
and defiance
like rats chewing through phone cords
limping raccoon
raccoon eyes
hold your cocktail
puff up your cheeks
roll your eyes
adjust your dress
watch me
watching you
make moves
then over to me
place your hand alongside mine
a quick brisk
i shouldn't be here
at this "mixer"
but you're buying all the drinks
so i guess that's alright
keep feeding me those rum and cokes
and i'll keep listening
i think you think i think others think your sexy
and you are
those long legs sticking out from under your business suit
your hair hanging over that one weird eye
you always smell like fresh printed copies
from a xerox machine
it's kinda cute
kinda.
but
those soft hands with red painted nails
as you rub them across my back
trying to make this a comfortable situation for me
but it's not
and
i just can't bring myself
to be around you for more than 5 minutes
without drifting off into some corner
into some other chair
i haven't pissed this much in my life
i guess it's my bodies way of escaping
these short haired jerk-offs in suits
with shiny shoes
and watch chains
and cuff links
and ugly pastel ties
i'm tempted to wipe the sun dried tomato/chive butter from this cracker
on the suit
and whenever i drift
you come afloat
and drag me into hell once again
i can't wait until you go home
to your husband
and tell him about all the opportunities you conjured tonight
all the "networking" you did
all the new "connections" and "aspirations" you have
i can't wait for you to ask me if i enjoyed this
...

Bring in the Clowns

the bottom of this felt like the top of her. it was a pleasure to hear the knocking sounds coming from television, i scooted over and wrapped my arm around her, she laid her head against my chest. i was sauced, this was alright. we kept drinking. for every one i had one. i started pouring them with a little less Dr. Pepper. she didn't seem to mind. the candy cane was starting to dissolve in her cup, i threw a few more life savers in there for her, she always liked the red ones. you always liked the red ones didn't you? i was neither here nor there for the red ones. they're nice, but the red, green, yellow, and whatever other color taste all the same, and you know it, it's a trick your mind plays on you, telling you the red taste like watermelon or berries, and the green taste like apple, it's bullshit and we know it!

she started getting a little angry, i could see her eyes narrow, her inward seething, i could she some steam billowing out of her ears, i think she was mad that i had made it in, all the defenses put up, all the "i don't cares", were really, "i'm too scared to care", it's easier to not lose if you don't ever play the game. i'm not scared of losing, i just don't want to be on the sidelines watching all the action, wishing i was in there, the potential to get hurt, but there's also the potential for victory. hurt is hurt, victory is love.

it's hard to win
especially when you don't try

i don't know what happened to me.

but i dislike people
most people
some people i like
some of you are alright
sometimes
i miss people for the good things
then i remember why i don't talk to those certain people anymore
and i still smile
because it's true
the best ones are crazy
the worst ones are here
the okay ones never touch ground
head
in
the
clouds

i'll tell you what though

i'll laugh hard the day my bullshit gets proven wrong

maybe i am wrong?
i think i might be?
nah
not like this. i've dodged alot of bullets. i've been lucky. thanks baby.

she was angry though. and when we started fooling around she used words like
"eat that fucking pussy"
and
"you gonna give me that dick?"

maybe some guys dig that
but i'm secure with what i got going on
so lets not pretend okay?

lots of questions have been coming around here lately, and i'm all for new experiences, but i miss myself.

now that's selfish.

Lately

and lately
everything frustrates me
the coffee spilling on my pants
the cigarette ash blown on my shirt
the morons around me
the apathy in their eyes
that scowl
people not holding doors open for other people
douche bag honking at grandma crossing the street to hurry up
people not making good on their word
me me me
blah blah blah
fucking alex
get out of your head
because this anger
gets you nowhere
where you going?
nowhere.
whats a guy to write about if he ever becomes completely happy?
no one wants to read happy, self serving bullshit.
you all want blood
you want a fucking riot
drink, sex, heart break, anger, love, passion, electricity, struggle, war, destruction and pain
somebody needs to do something
i can hear my typewriter whimper at night
shes lonely
misses my fingers
my stiff fingers dancing all over her
the coffee cup circle
on my desk
sits empty
i hear you baby
just hold on
i'll be back soon
soon enough
and i'll fuck you
like the worlds going to end
like my last words will be on you
but
i'm at a peak now
but on the way down
it'll be sweet to write about

Everybody Wants to Feel Special

Standing on the corner
occupying my pockets
with my sweaty hands
and flies
shoved inside my wallet
With my pant cuffs rolled high
and I'm waiting for the tide,
to recede into the moon
and let me stand on earth

but the people pass on
with their heads down and wink
and to feel numb i keep drinking,
sipping from my flask
consuming the flies
the rum taste fine
while i keep sleeping
and outside
the world keeps passing me by,
but i don't mind riding
the back seat to life

Sally walks up
and takes a hold of my jacket collar
kissing me deeply
she swallows my inability
to produce sincere laughter
and inside i spark
but she'll never know
because things like that
aren’t allowed out into the air
because they’ll lose value

riding on the train
watching the mountains grow
i think to myself about
how long it takes
to move a hipster west
we pass into a valley
and as the boulders fall
and smash against the car
i open my arms
and
welcome the growing silence

I Was Expecting Rain

rubbing my face,
harsh against the glass
being somebody
nobody.
watching as the leprechauns migrate around me
waiting for my one slip
my one mistake
so they could rob me blind
and beat me
upstairs
god how it hurts
the pain throbs at the windows
the glass bleeds slowly
a shit load of glass hammers
beating the stuffing out of us
us
we
you
me
i
key
uh oh.

Deny ME.

down on suppression plant
leaves breath
quick change mind
i don't mind
below all else
like nothing else
below your sweet stench
i live
like
a mother
fucking demon
.
oh.
yes

It's Not Glamours Work

sew me up
as i lose my stuffing
my inner fiber
the demented dollar
even the peanut butter is melting
separating
in it's can
losing its sustainability
questioning it's moral ethic
even the peanut butter melts
and
and
the dye was cast

Dougal sat there, grinning, stupid wide mouth grin, town fool, town drunk, town crier.